Low Point

I think I probably reach low point in my life. I am kind of shock at my own reaction this afternoon, I just tear non stop, until my eyes are all red probably swollen now.

Talk is cheap For eg I tell X, C is wearing a nice dress today. And all the while C is just standing beside me, I don't even look at C in my eye, as if she is non existent. How would C feel. C would probably feel I am not sincere, I am just talking crap in order to please her.

Yes this is exactly what I feel now, talk is cheap. I don't need all these flowerly langues to tell me how good I am,show me the actions. It's not as if I am asking for increment or promotion (of cos if there are, I truely appreciate). If I want a higher position, long ago I would have been one, its a matter of whether I want to take that up or not.

What I am trying to say is where is the appreciation, the action. It's not even reflected on the basic grading. It still the same grade, and majority fell in that grade. My heart is feeling: "I am great , so ..."


Doing extra work, putting extra hours making sure everything is running right is just not worth it. Imagine someone who is doing lesser, more bochap, is also getting the same grade as you, what does this signal to you. Do less work right?


Anyway I guess today's incident just tell me, time for some action. Whatever things that people usually says is all crap. Somethihng that we should all remember is everything is political,it all depends on who the management is.