他都不愛我

跌倒了,扫一扫灰尘,再站起来

Never expect that I would lost control this morning and I just teared. Horrible, I wonder why am I so weak. Guess boss heard me, thank god she cant see me. But well guess I told her what I been feeling and all she can say is : I wish I can turn back the clock and have this conversation with you earlier on.

I think thats really.I don't know what to say. All i know is she had put words right back into my mouth, stating I have said this and that which is not true. I have to correct her.

Anyway a fact is a fact, it won't change. I have totally lost the trust in her. After what has happen how do you expect me to trust her anymore.

May the lord continue to guide me.

Its a bad fall but I know I can stand up again. I tell myself its just a job. I dont like it i can always find a new job. A job is just a job. I am blessed that I am still alive, still kicking around.

A loss might not be a loss. Its is a blessing to me. I know...

In remembrance

surpise, that people leave me blessings of birthday wishes in my FB. Thanks folks ya.. Didn't expect it...

Just a ordinary day for me. However Pastor mentioned on Sunday about celebration in remembrance. Why did God want us to pray since he alreayd know what we want. He delights us in remembering him.

Guess now I am full of thoughts about what to say to Boss tomorrow. Pray about it and thought about. Anyway it has got to besettled sooner or later.

Also I am full of thoughts of some other stuff too. kind of messy head now. May the lord leads me and guides me, may the holdy spirt speaks to me, give me divine appointments, qarah.

Lord, give me success from today onwards, give me the wisdom, and guide me and teach me. Let me find favour in all people. Nothing is impossible for you lord.

Shall start life anew

guess now I need to pick up the pieces and try to start life anew. Hopefuly i dont face any more disappointments again. If i do fall down again, I just got to crawl up and walk again.

The lord is my strength now....... next tuesdsay I shall have a closure. I pray is not a nasty birthday pressie for me. Anyway how bad can it be, since I already receive a bad one already right..

don't wish to be reminded of birthay but people reminded me.

Taking abt this, i was so super blur. SJ is so sweet, bought a cake for me when we went to Daphne's house last saturday. Blur me happen to walk into the kitchen to get some water. When daphne and SJ saw me, one of them say something like : Aiya........

Didn't pay any notice, i remember i still tell daphne: Eh why didn't tell me earlier.. ( i tot the cake is for her boy or girl )

then it turn out its for me when they sang the song.................my goodness I am so blur..

really thanks this bunch of gals for the pleasant surprise... if I tell TS , she is going to laught at me for sure. She always say I am super blur.

The old is still the best

就是那么死心眼。喜欢就是喜欢没有理由没有原因。所以，还是恢复博客之前的样貌 :)

you can say i am fickle minded but truely I still like this the best haha. Anyway i guess once I like something is hard for me to change my heart. good or bad I dont know.

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

Lord, help me to continue to believe...

June 18th

June 18th marks the last day of me not happy... Think I have turn vulgar for the past few days. yup even my fren was shocked that I used the word bitch this morning while talking to her over at msn.

TS was also saying I learn the bad things from her that is I start to be vulgar, with all the F words. This is not me alright.

I guess I shocked them and I was really pissed and upset and disappointed.,

anyway I thought about it, I can continue to be unhappy and curse and swear and this will still continue.. So I should learn to let go and be happy.

Most important of all is God is with me all the time. He see my heart and has prepared a feasting table for me, turning my situations around. No weapons form against me shall propser . Amen n Amen...

The incidents that happen has just tell me to be more cautious in future and well guess I will still continue to be gracious and generous to people for its a blessing to bless people. Except this time round I should pray first before I bless and if I have the peace to do so....

Welcome June 19th and lord I thank you for preparing the feasting table for me..

Is this my strength?

I was "complaining" to neighbour today that I felt I am so stupid, going beyong and above my scope to help others, being too kind to others. And she told me that this is my strength. My strength is I am gracious.

See what did I get in return now, helping to brige Miss E and the rest of the team. Over and beyong my duty to help another peer. Where did all that credit goes in the end. dumb.

i told myself the next time I have my 1:1 with my boss I am going to clarify on some stuff. And I told myself I am not going to help others the next time, hopefuly this I will keep my promise. don't be kpo justdo my own stuff will do.

Now my fellow frens have some conflicts and somehow all the people all like to come to me. I become their "weeping pillow" . Haiz, I feel like just organise a meeting for them to go thrash it out :p

i guess this time round, I am tired, I don't wish to be the mediator like what I used to do. I am not that great, without me, people won't die. the world still spins...

thank you neigbour for all her concerns and showering me with the lord's prayers and love towards me, reminding of the lord's love for me.

ASAP

Always say a prayer.. this is what neighbour taught me lately.

I thank the lord for her presence especially in times like this. Lord has shown me how He has tranform her. She shared with me what she went through and how she almost give up the faith how she can still be so positive. I realy thank the lord for showing me her graciousness and I am so touched by her prayers for me.

I will miss her if her transfer is eventually done. :(

Quote from her
Faith is substance of things hope for & evidence of things not seen

P/s: I am really excited and wanted to share with you on my DPRK trip but now am really in no mood to share. I promise I will get over soon and share with you all soon. For now I just got to continue to pray to the lord and to sort out the trials that I am facing now.

Have some bad thoughts of being selfish and not being kind to others and told shir about it. Shir ask me: Are you sure you are able to do it. I laughed and said: You sure know me well. She replied : You are spikey mouth, jelly heart.

so.... I need to sort out my thoughts if I should continue to be so kind and helpful over and beyond. I been asking God why did all these happen and where is His promise to me. Why are the non believers the one getting all the goodness and where is mine?

Its so easy to lose the faith in times like this. I want to continue to believe in Him..

Fool

F is for Fool and I feel like I am one now. What a birthday gift i am getting for myself ya.............insult.

I wonder why on earth should i be so kind. I probably should have just ignore and don't try to be so kind to help to bridge and be an intermidety..

lessong to me is: Don't trust people and don't be too kind.

I am now thinking maybe I should be selfish and protect myself first. Perhaps the old saying of 人不为己，天诛地灭 does make sense......

Let me think about it...... until then

I wish

Mixed feelings... too many wishes from the heart.

Sometimes things are just unexplainable... time for me to talk to the lord more and let Him speak to me instead....... think the next few days i should be able to do that....


Dear lord, I come to you that you may be able to give me your wisdom and guilding my every foot step... show me your will for me.

Why

Disappointments after disappointments came crashing on you can have a detrimental effect. I been holding on fast and trusting the lord and at this moments sometimes I wonder lord what are you trying to show to me.

that grace is no longer found here and time to move or ? Its seems that the circumstances have made it so unbearable and testing my patience. I still am trying to search fror an answer.

Things that have happen just seem so unfair, I been wondering did I just dig a death hole for my ownself to jump in?

As to the other aspect of my life, there are still some unsolved puzzles which i still would probably find the answer as the years goes by :)

Meanwhile I am thankful for neighbour for alwyas praying together with me always reaffirming the lord's goodness with me. At this timing, this is important for me. I don't know if one day I will lose this faith.

Its just a down day for me today.