Sometimes I wonder why did God make me go through this up and down. One moment I happily on heaven and the next month drop right smack down hard on earth. Ouch!!!!
This is coming to 6th weeks plus, its been a struggle. Its a miracle that I didn't even fall sick, really I didn't even take mc just have gastric and at most rest on weekends= work work work---> Go home--->Work work work.
Now I think I probably lost the trust in some folks. I was so happy when I was promised to go for the course, and she promised to find me a backup. (the joke is I can't take leave now cos no body can back me up for one portion of my work).
Now with E unknown return date to office, my hope of the course crushes. I was hoping to go for the course and waited for a1 yr plus or was it 2 years plus.
This is not the worst part. Its not that I am not understanding, K needs to go for surgery and I know she really needs to, as such we have to help her to cover her work. I kind of pity K, she has to schedule her surgery right in wk 1 and I think boss wants her to try to cover for close, my goodness, why don't let sick people just rest. and K is intending to do that. I tell K, just go rest.
Deep in my heart i was thinking, even if K never goes on surgery I doubt B would let me go for my course.
The next disappointment I have is I keep hearing things like : I hear you. And then just tell me : Mei, I am sorry, you would still have to cover XXXXXXX. I already said I am running out of bandwidth and realy i cant. I know alot of times, I would squeeze myself really hard to produce, i think I should just stop doing that. If it happens, it happens, it its looks ugly on our team, let it be.
I got so much thing to do... how do you expect me to cover for everybody. I can't even take leave now, dont even dare to fall sick.
To rub salt into my wound, on this terrible thursday when I was made to drop my course, told to continue to cover E, and be prepared to cover till the end of the year, I lost mhy contact lens. somehow it drop on the floor while I went for my long time miss facal. :(
When I walk to the bus top after I am done with my facial, of all things, this drunkard has to appear. And i realisae i was alone and i start to pray. This guy just stop right in the middle of the road and try to stop taxi, how dangers that is. The cars are all speeding down this slope. gosh. and from a distance, I can smell the alcohol, confirm he is drunk.
thank god 2 other guys pop up, at least i feel safer. when the pedestrain lights turns green, I quickly move.
What a eventful sad day for me.
Somehow I shed some tears as I went to bed. I was rushing my presentation after I reach home, didnt even have time to think about all these sad stuff. As I lay on bed, i just teared, pray to the lord then fell asleep.
Lord, give me the wisdom and tell me what should I do ..................................
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Congratulations
Congratulations Gal. so happy for ya :)
I really enjoy making this card for ya, and we gals have fun folding the paper cranes for ya... though it was really realy messy with the Glue gun.
I like this technique, 2 piece of paper into one card. I used to do the other method which is so much more tedious using one paper and having to measure before folding into 3 sides. This technique is so much easier though waste paper
I really enjoy making this card for ya, and we gals have fun folding the paper cranes for ya... though it was really realy messy with the Glue gun.
I like this technique, 2 piece of paper into one card. I used to do the other method which is so much more tedious using one paper and having to measure before folding into 3 sides. This technique is so much easier though waste paper
Pattern Paer: Imaginse I think
Card stock: Color mates
Paper with the Xi : thats from penny black or hero arts paper I believe.
Xi punch: From HK, yup ask SJ to buy for me when she went for holiday
Birdie stamp: Verde ... aint they cute
rub on: Can't remember
Flowers: Prima... as usual I am a flower person :)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Shall we be stupid woman??
Talking to a xiao mei and she tell me this
smart woman and smart guy = divorce
smart guy and stupid woman = marriage
smart woman and stupid guy = marriage
stupid woman and stupid guy = pregnancy
so............
smart woman should act stupid.
And interestingly, my best friend just told me this week that I always appear too strong, confident in front of others and I am scaring all the guys away. I went like : Am I? I am not that smart, and confident. Headstrong maybe haha.... She told me sometimes its good to act stupid.
Hmmm ya maybe I should ah.. should I? But how long can I act stupid? Well if a guy really likes me, he should accept me as I am. I am not that smart and strong. I have my weak side which very few of you will see. Hmm why should I cry in front of you folks bringing sadness to all of you..
Ok tell me if I should just act dumb, and stupid........................
Oh yeah I really feel dumb this afternoon cos I can't solve the soduku and did it wrongly again..:(
And really a failure, can't even secure a date, how sad that can be to be rejected. hmmm..
smart woman and smart guy = divorce
smart guy and stupid woman = marriage
smart woman and stupid guy = marriage
stupid woman and stupid guy = pregnancy
so............
smart woman should act stupid.
And interestingly, my best friend just told me this week that I always appear too strong, confident in front of others and I am scaring all the guys away. I went like : Am I? I am not that smart, and confident. Headstrong maybe haha.... She told me sometimes its good to act stupid.
Hmmm ya maybe I should ah.. should I? But how long can I act stupid? Well if a guy really likes me, he should accept me as I am. I am not that smart and strong. I have my weak side which very few of you will see. Hmm why should I cry in front of you folks bringing sadness to all of you..
Ok tell me if I should just act dumb, and stupid........................
Oh yeah I really feel dumb this afternoon cos I can't solve the soduku and did it wrongly again..:(
And really a failure, can't even secure a date, how sad that can be to be rejected. hmmm..
Friday, February 20, 2009
God is good
I been pondering and reflecting (Ok I am always doing that, what's new ) . I am just surprise at my ownself lately.
1) while in Hanoi one day, my sis call and start scolding me and then asking me if those papers I have are they a package by itself. Turns out that she was trying to unpack my kits. Well she has unpack like 50% of it and I just told her to leave them alone. I hang up the phone laughing about it. In normal circumstances I won't have laugh, I would have scold her instead.
2) One collegue in US was trying to schedule meeting next week, and she has it on my Tuesday and Wednesday. I mailed her back asking if they both were the same meeting and then she told me she is going to cancel the Wed's meeting. I proceed to cancel it and the she came back telling me she make a mistake and it should be the other way round. I merely laugh at it without feeling anything. In the past, I would have grumble a bit hahah.
3) I know this will make some of you not comfortable, but I really want to share this . This is important and I feel its a good testimony.
I shan't detail the exact events just a quick summary. It all happen in year 2006, venue is at Bangkok. It all started with some minor things I can only say things didn't went well, my gf's male fren then (now is bf) then kind of shouted very loudly at me in MBK macdonalds with fiery in his eyes and threaten to beat or punch me. Imagine he was loud enough to attact all the people there , his knuckles was all bruises from all the knocking on the table.
Imagine me one girl there all alone and helpless. As for my gf, well at that point in time I was disappointed with her, for pretending teng gong. (well guess there is nothing much she can do right.. hmm)
At that moment I didn't speak back, I just kept quiet throughout. I think its really wisdom from God, I actually feel the peace from him. And deep inside I was planning what to do. I was planning at most I book another room (yes I don't know why I was so dumb enough then to help him save cost so when my gf ask me if he can share room with us , I said yes) , and take the next flight back to sg immediately. I pray in tongues throughout. And well ok nothing happen. Thank god.
Somehow for whatever reason, we didn't get to sit together on our flight back and actually I was thanking God for this. When we came out, I just go. I didnt even swith on my mobile (Ok the truth is I did that purposely, Sorry my gf, I just don't want to share the same cab back with him, yup this guy stays near me. )
After that naturally he didnt score any points. Somehow or rather I didn't get to meet him , think God didnnt want me to. It just always happen either I am away or sick or whatever. Until late last year, as I was walking back home , I cross the road earlier than I normally would. And there I saw him alighting . I smile at him and he kind of look awaward and quickly walk away. At that point in time, I know I had let go. I never ever thought I can forgive so easily...
And lately when I took a ride back from my gf cos she was going to his house, I alight at his carpark, saw him and talk to him and now truely I know there is no more bondage of hatred. :) You can say I am being very petty and not able to forgive until now but if it were you, tell me how would you have reacted. Probably you would have cried, I didn't. But of cos I do fear if things might happen. He reminds me so much of my brother. Where he was younger then, he always bullys me and causing injury to me. (I guess thats where my strong character comes from). I don't cry easily due to that. The more u want to see me cry, the more you won't.
To be able to let go and forgive is good but its not easy and I know its thru HIM that I can do it. :)
God is good. Amen!
1) while in Hanoi one day, my sis call and start scolding me and then asking me if those papers I have are they a package by itself. Turns out that she was trying to unpack my kits. Well she has unpack like 50% of it and I just told her to leave them alone. I hang up the phone laughing about it. In normal circumstances I won't have laugh, I would have scold her instead.
2) One collegue in US was trying to schedule meeting next week, and she has it on my Tuesday and Wednesday. I mailed her back asking if they both were the same meeting and then she told me she is going to cancel the Wed's meeting. I proceed to cancel it and the she came back telling me she make a mistake and it should be the other way round. I merely laugh at it without feeling anything. In the past, I would have grumble a bit hahah.
3) I know this will make some of you not comfortable, but I really want to share this . This is important and I feel its a good testimony.
I shan't detail the exact events just a quick summary. It all happen in year 2006, venue is at Bangkok. It all started with some minor things I can only say things didn't went well, my gf's male fren then (now is bf) then kind of shouted very loudly at me in MBK macdonalds with fiery in his eyes and threaten to beat or punch me. Imagine he was loud enough to attact all the people there , his knuckles was all bruises from all the knocking on the table.
Imagine me one girl there all alone and helpless. As for my gf, well at that point in time I was disappointed with her, for pretending teng gong. (well guess there is nothing much she can do right.. hmm)
At that moment I didn't speak back, I just kept quiet throughout. I think its really wisdom from God, I actually feel the peace from him. And deep inside I was planning what to do. I was planning at most I book another room (yes I don't know why I was so dumb enough then to help him save cost so when my gf ask me if he can share room with us , I said yes) , and take the next flight back to sg immediately. I pray in tongues throughout. And well ok nothing happen. Thank god.
Somehow for whatever reason, we didn't get to sit together on our flight back and actually I was thanking God for this. When we came out, I just go. I didnt even swith on my mobile (Ok the truth is I did that purposely, Sorry my gf, I just don't want to share the same cab back with him, yup this guy stays near me. )
After that naturally he didnt score any points. Somehow or rather I didn't get to meet him , think God didnnt want me to. It just always happen either I am away or sick or whatever. Until late last year, as I was walking back home , I cross the road earlier than I normally would. And there I saw him alighting . I smile at him and he kind of look awaward and quickly walk away. At that point in time, I know I had let go. I never ever thought I can forgive so easily...
And lately when I took a ride back from my gf cos she was going to his house, I alight at his carpark, saw him and talk to him and now truely I know there is no more bondage of hatred. :) You can say I am being very petty and not able to forgive until now but if it were you, tell me how would you have reacted. Probably you would have cried, I didn't. But of cos I do fear if things might happen. He reminds me so much of my brother. Where he was younger then, he always bullys me and causing injury to me. (I guess thats where my strong character comes from). I don't cry easily due to that. The more u want to see me cry, the more you won't.
To be able to let go and forgive is good but its not easy and I know its thru HIM that I can do it. :)
God is good. Amen!
Don't Judge a book by its cover
Lately was just reflecting on myself and feel I shouldn't at times pass a judgment on people just by my own experience or by other experience. Sometimes people do things based on the circumstance then and people at times do change over time.
For eg, just last Sunday Dor was telling me how Robin (sorry Robin if you happen to chance upon this blog, no offence meant to you, ) came earlier to help to set up fire , brought 2 bottles of Wine, even bought along a board game to have fun with the rest. I was really surprise . Never did I expect Robin to do this. Guess I was wrong to assume certain behaviour based on my past experience. Ok must clarify here there is absolutely nothing wrong with Robin, its just well each and everyone of us has our good points and minor flaws here and there . Its all subjective ya.
Lately I been thanking god, my "neighbour" just seem so nice to me. I overheard giving training to a collegue in the US for some transistion, and she has been encouraging to the collegue This is really different from her past behaviours. Did I tell u folks that I had to hold back tears 2 years back then over some minor incident. She was that fierce to me . But well god is good, she is a totally change new person. Grace Grace.....
And her been so encourageing to the collegue is something I ought to learn from her. Honestly the piece of work that she is transisting now is not her baby, but she has to deliver the training due to (what i been telling u folks) . Yet she is so positive. I got to learn from her. How ashamed I am now.
Just a separate note, I am kind of disappointed over certain things, just that really it taught me certain things, it takes time to see people, and don't always judge a book by its cover. Read its content, page to page and look for the underlying meaning.
If you have been offended by me, I apologise. If you know me well enough, I am the type 嘴硬心软 . I am just being hard on the mouth to you folks only but deep in my heart thats really not what I meant. Hmm sometimes maybe thats a form of protection, maybe? Thats why I said you got to really know me well enough to know what I said is it for real or not hahaha.
When I said I want to be mean, or I don't want to do certain thing, end of the day, you will see me still completing those stuff. Dumb ya.. shake head at my ownself now...
For eg, just last Sunday Dor was telling me how Robin (sorry Robin if you happen to chance upon this blog, no offence meant to you, ) came earlier to help to set up fire , brought 2 bottles of Wine, even bought along a board game to have fun with the rest. I was really surprise . Never did I expect Robin to do this. Guess I was wrong to assume certain behaviour based on my past experience. Ok must clarify here there is absolutely nothing wrong with Robin, its just well each and everyone of us has our good points and minor flaws here and there . Its all subjective ya.
Lately I been thanking god, my "neighbour" just seem so nice to me. I overheard giving training to a collegue in the US for some transistion, and she has been encouraging to the collegue This is really different from her past behaviours. Did I tell u folks that I had to hold back tears 2 years back then over some minor incident. She was that fierce to me . But well god is good, she is a totally change new person. Grace Grace.....
And her been so encourageing to the collegue is something I ought to learn from her. Honestly the piece of work that she is transisting now is not her baby, but she has to deliver the training due to (what i been telling u folks) . Yet she is so positive. I got to learn from her. How ashamed I am now.
Just a separate note, I am kind of disappointed over certain things, just that really it taught me certain things, it takes time to see people, and don't always judge a book by its cover. Read its content, page to page and look for the underlying meaning.
If you have been offended by me, I apologise. If you know me well enough, I am the type 嘴硬心软 . I am just being hard on the mouth to you folks only but deep in my heart thats really not what I meant. Hmm sometimes maybe thats a form of protection, maybe? Thats why I said you got to really know me well enough to know what I said is it for real or not hahaha.
When I said I want to be mean, or I don't want to do certain thing, end of the day, you will see me still completing those stuff. Dumb ya.. shake head at my ownself now...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
A link to share
http://www.uglyny.com/
My sis sent me this , well just take a look and share with me your thoughts. hee hee.
My sis sent me this , well just take a look and share with me your thoughts. hee hee.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Feeelng depressed
Feeling really lousy now... was feeling really uncomfortable since last night, gastric . Bloated and something else, not the usual hunger feeling (at least u can still eat for hunger) its just something else.
Thanks to a fren who reminded me to eat Communion so I went to hunt for biscuits and water (no ribena) substance over form ya. Pray applied aNNointing oil pray pray while sleeping. Can feel its getting better then somehow fall asleep....................
Morning wake up, go office and then attack starts again. See all stress and work induced... shake head
LooK at my cny photos now eeeks so fat ugly ........... feel even more depressed. When u see me putting on weight this means -->stress===> eat more==> No time to exercise===> Depressed. The more stress I am the more I eat. aiyo... shucks must fish out time to go swim liao, can no longer jogged cos being told not to anymore. hmmmm how to fish out time when i am doing another 2 persons job.................
I starting to feel losing my own self in this vicious cycle . So small a dot, do I even meant anything to anyone's life, meant anything to any system, process........... Have you ever wonder what if one day you are gone, would anyone miss you? I often have this thought. Don't worries I am still sane, won't do anything dumb. haha. Its just thoughts that run through my mind.
Small dot dot..
Thanks to a fren who reminded me to eat Communion so I went to hunt for biscuits and water (no ribena) substance over form ya. Pray applied aNNointing oil pray pray while sleeping. Can feel its getting better then somehow fall asleep....................
Morning wake up, go office and then attack starts again. See all stress and work induced... shake head
LooK at my cny photos now eeeks so fat ugly ........... feel even more depressed. When u see me putting on weight this means -->stress===> eat more==> No time to exercise===> Depressed. The more stress I am the more I eat. aiyo... shucks must fish out time to go swim liao, can no longer jogged cos being told not to anymore. hmmmm how to fish out time when i am doing another 2 persons job.................
I starting to feel losing my own self in this vicious cycle . So small a dot, do I even meant anything to anyone's life, meant anything to any system, process........... Have you ever wonder what if one day you are gone, would anyone miss you? I often have this thought. Don't worries I am still sane, won't do anything dumb. haha. Its just thoughts that run through my mind.
Small dot dot..
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thank you gals
Thanks 麟,SJ, CK,dor, Cyn, Wei (yours is in advance haha) for all your concerns. I thank the lord for having you gals around . SJ, thanks for the sms, caught by surprise :) And the rest thanks for calling me.
Don't around I am still alive. Except I must tell you gals, I failed to be mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just not me, end up I spend more time following up and covering for my colleuge then doing my own stuff. I don' tknow why whenever I cover people or take over stuff from people, I will always discover a whole new can of worms and end up clearing for people.
Clear nice nice then hand over to people a clean and nice work. Hmm did God give me the gift to clear shit eh............ sorry sounds gross ah.. It must be me paying too much attention and discover gaps here and there and being me, you gals know me well enough. I will take it upon myself to make sure the process is set straight. Its so tiring trying to do that actually.
Just let me grumble here abit . I have so tough a time trying to communicate to the china folks today. :( I wonder if there is anything wrong with my english now. Hmmm well well and all this following agian is for my collegue's area again. And afternoon the same thing happen. Result I got to send out revised file agian arrrgggg..... thanks to someone..
No.. No I better concentrate on my own stuff cos its close next week . I pray that my colleuge will be back soon. Else I think next month onwards I should aim to be mean , yup really i mean MEAN...................
Don't around I am still alive. Except I must tell you gals, I failed to be mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just not me, end up I spend more time following up and covering for my colleuge then doing my own stuff. I don' tknow why whenever I cover people or take over stuff from people, I will always discover a whole new can of worms and end up clearing for people.
Clear nice nice then hand over to people a clean and nice work. Hmm did God give me the gift to clear shit eh............ sorry sounds gross ah.. It must be me paying too much attention and discover gaps here and there and being me, you gals know me well enough. I will take it upon myself to make sure the process is set straight. Its so tiring trying to do that actually.
Just let me grumble here abit . I have so tough a time trying to communicate to the china folks today. :( I wonder if there is anything wrong with my english now. Hmmm well well and all this following agian is for my collegue's area again. And afternoon the same thing happen. Result I got to send out revised file agian arrrgggg..... thanks to someone..
No.. No I better concentrate on my own stuff cos its close next week . I pray that my colleuge will be back soon. Else I think next month onwards I should aim to be mean , yup really i mean MEAN...................
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
.............
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Well hide in house since Friday.. was just tired, mentaly and physically tired and sick..................Well has to go back towork and face reality.
Half way thru , just feel like writing down my thoughts, kind of help the frustration..
there u go.. sorry I know my handwritting is terrible de horrible but well... this is me :)
Friday, February 6, 2009
Evil mean ugly old hag
Now this is week 3 + a few days to be exact. I think I can start counting the weeks that I am covering this extra load in this blog.
Its really reallly tiring, I don't know how to describe in wording. Just undescrible. :(
Results:
Whole face pimples, even my collegue from upstairs is asking, what happen to you.
Dark cirles -> turning into panda
Turning mean
Negative
unbalance
Turning crazy soon maybe
As I look back I don't know how did i ever manged to survive that crazy quarter end close and surving through CNY doing all the crazy work. Allright I make alot of boos boos I am say 100% perfect. I guess People especially folks in US must have complains about me. But really I can't be bothered with what peopel think. I only thank God I can survive till now. I use the word survive cos its really tought.
I am not superhero girl and aim not to be one. I am just a simply plain gal. I think I am starting to turn more mean also, turning fierce and I think I don[t have that much empathy as before. Well reality is reality. I being a nice and considerate person, who would treat me that nice in return. No one.
neng zhe duo lao (I can't type chinese again :() is a sentence that I don't want to hear f now. A whole load of rubbish to use on you when they want you to do things. I don't need to have this to test my ability.
And I was really so depressed since yesterday that I really felt like crying in office. But well no tears, I think I am just well nothing to say further, numb already.
Wk 2 was joy cos I thought I could finally relieve some duties but eventually I learn yesterday I got to hold on to that until I don't know when. Its like on week 2 u feel as if God answer my prayers, and your went up high the sky and suddenly yesterday I just drop flat onto the hard ground with broken bones, blood sheding (ok bad description, should try harder haha)
Its nobody's fault but again this is reality. So now what should I do. I don't want to be mean but I am left with no choice. Sometimes I wish I am the one on sick leave and I can rest. I badly need rest now.......... Imagine yesteday I tried to go to sleep at 11 plus since I need to leave before 7am this morning for a early morning call. Gosh by 12 I still wasn't sleeping. Its just the stress that is piling up until your brain can't rest even though u are so phyically tired.
I actually have some plans oops.. better dont say it here just negative thoughts..
Ok I am going to try to make myself sleep now............before i really turn into a monster that resembles a panda
I know I will be fine some day but definitely not now. And it will be not be so soon.................
Its really reallly tiring, I don't know how to describe in wording. Just undescrible. :(
Results:
Whole face pimples, even my collegue from upstairs is asking, what happen to you.
Dark cirles -> turning into panda
Turning mean
Negative
unbalance
Turning crazy soon maybe
As I look back I don't know how did i ever manged to survive that crazy quarter end close and surving through CNY doing all the crazy work. Allright I make alot of boos boos I am say 100% perfect. I guess People especially folks in US must have complains about me. But really I can't be bothered with what peopel think. I only thank God I can survive till now. I use the word survive cos its really tought.
I am not superhero girl and aim not to be one. I am just a simply plain gal. I think I am starting to turn more mean also, turning fierce and I think I don[t have that much empathy as before. Well reality is reality. I being a nice and considerate person, who would treat me that nice in return. No one.
neng zhe duo lao (I can't type chinese again :() is a sentence that I don't want to hear f now. A whole load of rubbish to use on you when they want you to do things. I don't need to have this to test my ability.
And I was really so depressed since yesterday that I really felt like crying in office. But well no tears, I think I am just well nothing to say further, numb already.
Wk 2 was joy cos I thought I could finally relieve some duties but eventually I learn yesterday I got to hold on to that until I don't know when. Its like on week 2 u feel as if God answer my prayers, and your went up high the sky and suddenly yesterday I just drop flat onto the hard ground with broken bones, blood sheding (ok bad description, should try harder haha)
Its nobody's fault but again this is reality. So now what should I do. I don't want to be mean but I am left with no choice. Sometimes I wish I am the one on sick leave and I can rest. I badly need rest now.......... Imagine yesteday I tried to go to sleep at 11 plus since I need to leave before 7am this morning for a early morning call. Gosh by 12 I still wasn't sleeping. Its just the stress that is piling up until your brain can't rest even though u are so phyically tired.
I actually have some plans oops.. better dont say it here just negative thoughts..
Ok I am going to try to make myself sleep now............before i really turn into a monster that resembles a panda
I know I will be fine some day but definitely not now. And it will be not be so soon.................
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I am so thirsty..............
really hot in Australia now, temperature is as high as 48 degrees celisus. My boss send this out today. Check this out... Isnt it cute and adorable............hooooo.Now i wish I can keep it as a pet .. really looks like a soft toy Look at it sticking its tongue out................
It is
Monday, February 2, 2009
Nth degree
Can't help but to share with u folks on this. I used to have this on podcast until I thought they no longer produce it. Anyway here it is..
Link
Link
A blog to share
http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com
A friend share with me today on Shin's blog. She passed away last week leaving 2 children behind. Read on and pass it on , its definitely encouraging.
A friend share with me today on Shin's blog. She passed away last week leaving 2 children behind. Read on and pass it on , its definitely encouraging.
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