还是做了

是冲动吗?还是失望,难过? 最后还是做出了决定。 决定一切交到主的手中。 Cast all my cares to the Lord...

Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him and he shall guide your path.  Proversbs 3:5-6

学会放开

未尝不是一件好事..

Something about you

Go where u lack

Just got this revelation when Tim and Karen gave me a ride home yesterday. Go where you lack, serve the people, God will provide where you lack, and mutiply through his grace.. amen..

Xmas,, my gifts to others

this is what I been giving to some CG memebers , and collegues.
Yes gold nuggets, they are all chocolates :) ok this brown paper bag looks ugly i know.... this brown paper bag is the waxy type which is glossy and hard to stamp and esily crumbled. I had to went into SKP and look around and buy the paper version and redo it. ITs nicer. Unfortunately me so blur forgot to take the photo.

I had one done with antique gold embossing powder. Nice i like it.
Hopefully receiptient of it likes it too.    :) .. how could I forgot to retake and I buy nicer ribon too.. stupid me....

How I wish time would freeze

I am wishing time would just freeze.. Freeze at my happy moments. Like Tuesday dinner with a fren, today's gathering with the angels, at wl's house etc etc. The happy moments......  :) I am dreading Jan to come  ...........

Am watching 绝对男友special edition now. Zhuangchi is so cool. Not handsome but just has his own style. Reminds me of someone.  Someone who is tall, not handsome type with his own style.

Was chatting with Autumn last night sharing with her what SY told me. She also would do the same thing like SY. Now they are both my idols now. I told her I would only do so if say I am diagnosed with terminal illness or if I am going somewhere not coming back........ I just lack the courage and......... well I am the subtle type i guess.................

who knows maybe one day .............

Dear lord, why didn't  u freeze that moment....

My idol is now

A certain xiao mei. Was just chatting with her and really admire her for her guts.. She told me if she like someone she would declare to that guy and then will back off if the guy is not interested. :)

Nothing wrong with that. In fact I admire her courage cos she is fighting for what she wants.   Perhaps I should be like her. But its just not me lor... .  

Merry Xmas to all

Wishing all of ya a Merry xmas. :)  

A day to rejoice the birth of our Saviour.     May the new year brings forth new hope, new beginning  to all of ya...   I also waiting for mine... My 3 wishes shall carried forward :) till they are fulfilled by the Lord. Takes great patience.. I just got "scolded" by TS for not following da ge's advice.


I said I trust in the lord..... Think she probably faint when she hear that...

Well I am just going to let go of certain things.................................. yup let go means let go............ Amen Jesus hear me..

Avatar

Avatar

A great show, I highly recommend everyone to watch it. Good 3 D effects.  I especially like the night scenes, so beautiful and so romantic. I especially like the nature part of it... Because I like nature.   Somehow remind me of gong qi jun... all his cartoons.  

2009 is coming to an end

How time flies and 2009 is coming to an end so soon... Lord, you haven't fulfilled my wish yet.Today is 24 eve and another 7 more days it will be hello 2010. Lord, I wrote down 3 wishes for this year, and none of it is fulfilled YEt. I know its will be fulfilled by you one day.

Lord, give me your wisdom and teach me/guide me. Sometiems I am a confused lamb, should I continue holding on or should I just give up.... The only thing I have figured out so far is to just let everything go and let you do the job for me, Lord.

I guess thats the best way for me now.. Since even if I worry, I won't fulfilled anything. Now Lord, I cast my cares to you... so that you will take care of everything for me, and I do not have to worry again.

Sometimes I pray this prayer, lord, whats your purpose for me in this world, this life now? If its not required of me, then take me home with you. Weird prayer right? I do not fer death now for I know you are there with me Lord. But looks like you have a purpose for me since I am still alive . Therefore lord, show me what you need me to do, to please you to fulfilled what you ask of me lord.. need your guidance to open my eyes

Hmmmm

A mixed feeling day..... don't know how to explain just mixed.... Let's see what the lord tell me later in lala land...

也许的也许....

有时会突然想念一些朋友.就象今天。想念某人。 也没有特别原因，就是想念。
想起了《想念你的歌》。。。。。。

太累了，去睡了。。。。 没力了。。。太痛了。。。

Blur me..

I did it again... blur me... actually get out at outram mrt this morning and the moment I get out , i realise i am at the wrong station. I immediately dart back into the train.. How embrassing this is.. Malu...

TS is so sweet today. I thought last night she was joking when she said she gonna bring bread and avocado and make sandwich using the toaster over at my level.. And she reallly bring it this morning.. So paisay, I couldn't help her to slice the avocado as I was rushing out some adjustments.. Took me a long time to do that adjustments trying to match those deals and sales agents.A few hours later, I realise I had mix up one of the deals . :(
Wish I can stop doing this, kind of irrating. Almost 3 years and this particular profile is still haunting me. I can only say I don't like this XXX customer now.....


Kind of short memory nowadays.. I think whover date me better remind me many times cos I tend to forget and nowdays i had to put dates or reminders into my hp, else I really can't remmber.. :( Getting blur also.....

The other day saw this collegue whom I didnt see long ago. I almost can';t recognise her and when I comment that she look good with this new image. She mention: " I say hi to you yesterday, you ignore me ". I went dumbfolder :" did you call me, when?" She says:" ya you come up for lunch I was there" TS says: Yes she is there you blur again. OH No ... goodness...

I seriously didn't see this collegue.. goodness... must have assume she is someone from non finance...

No wonder TS comment that one day if someone likes me, I also won't notice, cos I am too blur le. TS always make this comment abt me.. u are a blur small dot.... Opps.. I replied saying that person be more direct lor.. hahah

Oppportunity?

Got an email from boss asking me if I am ok to be part of a testing for this new entity set up saying I ask to be part of it some time ago and this is a great opportunity to be part of it.

Sounds great? In the past my reaction will probably be hooray , OK I am in. Today my reaction is : I check the date. stare at my close calendar and decided, sorry not for me.

Even if means forgoing some chance of promotion I am going to let this go simple because I want my health and life back. :)

Although I must say I do really like to do system implementation, testing etc. Weird huh, chossing the worst task of all. I already said I am not the typical finance person. I can never do financial accounting. A pity though, cos that will really make my CV look good. Headhunters, recruiters would usually comment but well I simply don't like financial accounting cos its too boring for me. If I did FA earlier, I think i would be like my peers now, CFO, Assitant CFO some high level manager etc..unlike a small fry now..

Whatever it is. I just want to be happy.....




Anyway from what I have seen do more= do less= same rank forever= same pay forever=you won't go anywhere. Unfortunately I fear the team has shared the same as me because time have proven this.

Also I do not advocate hard work, but boss advocate this so.......

Psalm 23- Don Moen

Yesterday my happy song is :Over the rainbow-what a wonderful world by Aselin Debbison

Today my peace song is Psalm 23 by Don Moen. Simply love Don Moen songs. God has given him the gifts .





Psalm 23
Jesus, my shepherd and only provider
He makes me lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside the still water
He restores my soul

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me
All the days of my life
And will dwell in house forever
Until the end of time

Jesus, my shepherd and only provider
You make me lie down in green pastures
You lead me beside the still water
You restore my soul

Though I walk through the valley of shadows
I will not be afraid
Your rod and staff are my only comfort
And You'll be with me always

You prepared a table before me
In the presences of my enemies
And you anoint my head with oil
And my cup overflows
My cup overflows with your love
With your love

Jesus, my shepherd and only provider
You make me lie down in green pastures
You lead me beside the still water
You restore my soul

You are my sunshine....

Was listening to Joel Osteen's podcast this morning and realise tears were forming in my eyes when I hear the story of the little boy and the little girl.  

I must say Joel Osteen's mesages is always simple and clear and easy listening. I been introducing his sermons to TS who is a non believer. At least she don't reject it.

 Hmmm some leader in church during a minstry meeting was saying about he brings hope and our pastor talks about Grace something along the line. Don't really like that comment.  Each Pastor has their calling using their unique gifts to spread the word of God and spreading Jesus's love. That is why we see some pastors are annointed for healing, some are great workship leaders. God built us all differently and annoint us with different gift sets. And Joel does preach about Grace.   I wish to tell him, don't put others down even though I know you love our Pastor.

Anyway's

Here's a  link  to that sermon I was listening.. You can subscribe to the podcast via Joel osteen minstry website too, itunes.

Speaking the blessing


You are my sunshine, don't take my sunshine away..........................goes the little boy..

Survive another day

At least I wake up not feeling irratable. Still didn't sleep well but better than the night before for sure.  Maybe its really me having PMS but really I don't have that issue.

Still can find time to send a encourage link to Lavender and K. Send that to TS late last night when she was working. Crazy people in my company all being made to do work so late at night.

Today E kind of make me feel like slapping her.  For some reason she wasn't online and who knows if she working from home or what. I wanted to find her to get her to follow up on an important deal for my updates to Corporate this Friday,  Knowing how her controller and how she works, I have to preempt her.

She finally ping me, guess Bea gotten her to ping me.  She actuallly ask me if I had finished updating my profiles. I really feel like slapping her.  Maybe I should have respond in these 2 ways .1) I am not as efficient as you dear, I am still struggling to finish my XXX no of profiles.  (2) If I am doing your work, by now I am shaking leg and thats is why I have time to chase you for these updates.  or maybe (3) Let's swop. Since you are so efficient, perhaps you are more suitable for my role :).


Oppos I sound evil. Anyway I just say nope I didnt and I started since weekend (ok i purposely say the word weekend, cos I know all my team mate s do that , all except her)...    Dear lord, I promise myself I will tell boss that I can't handle for next month. Its up to Boss to go handle it. I rather admit defeat. I had enough for one whole year. If she don't act, hahaha good luck to her.. Easy for me to quit, then for her to find someone. Who would be so dumb to do my role.. Did I tell u folks, nobody want to back me up for forecast cos no one wants this shitty job.

Anyway if E were to make me annoyed again, I think someday I might just lost control. Dear lord , pls go and make her watch her mouth. Always so blunt. . Hmm talking abt that I wanted to remind her of something but haven't find the opoortunity to do so... Can someone tell me how can I do that. I wanted to tell her, next time if she were to go on leave and need to do transition, could she do a propre transition and then alert her peers on the outstanding items.

Each time she left the job hanging and left the people covering her scrambling and trying to figure out what happen. I had to reteach my collegue what to do on her piece. All I did was a 2 hr session followed by some quick sessions  checking my collegue's first time work. Why can't she do that.  And she left a outstanding issue hanging, by chance, I happen to catch it. 

 By the way when I took over this piece, nobody taught me what to do. I had to figure out my ownself and create my own process.  See the world is never fair and it never will be . We just need to take it in our stride :)

Anyway purpose of telling E is not to put her down, its for her own good. Else she never learn. Thought she had learn the lesson the last time round, but appaently she didn't.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a separate. I overheard from TV earlier that on christmas day they are going to show the special edition of  绝对男友.  :) Since I am always dateless on Xmas day. I shall be watching this at night.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dec 14-----Not my usual self

Just not my usual self today. Seems that I woke up form the wrong side of the bed. Didn't sleep well. somehow lately I not been sleeping well. Last night it just seem i didnt't sleep a wink.. actualy I only slept at 2am this morning.. and I can't sleep.

Imagine discover issue at 1am., quickly alert US and my controller, least the sales start making noise on Monday when they see that issue... Brain all got twisted.

And whole day today i have aches and pains all over . even my right arm is so aching..  Bad posture and work too long without stretching, And prolong working causes all this.

So pain and sick with all my closing that I cant take it anymore... Time for action..

I promise myself something and I want to do that..  Must pamper and love  myself more. Remember Jolene's sis  words to me : :learn to love  yourself more. 要好好爱自己.  Think the lord really put her in my path, its just so coincidence to bump into her few months back and sharing the word with me. Thank you lord.

So when B returns, time to talk to her....   I know if I don't do that, I will break down. Am already on teh verge.  Its been a out of extraordinary year and a super tiring and busy  x Infinity year for me.  Time to take a step back and rest.

Scary but thank lord for giving me the wisdom

Some hours ago, it just hit me how scary sometimes things can turn out. How others's issues can end up involving you.  Scary. Thank lord for giving me the wisdom.

I feel kind of .......   Can't find the right word to use now. its just ..................

Lio Lio and ms snow.. time to talk to u two le... small matter lah. but just to catch u up plus pass u two xmas pressies......................

Zhuzhu pets

Sis laught at me cos I do not know what is zhu zhu pets, apparently they are the latest toy in the US . There you go , see for yourself, would you buy it for your kids?  keke i do not know if its here in sg yet..  never go toys dept for so long...

zhuzhu Pets

Interesting ads

If you flipped today's straits times, you would have seen the telco's latest promo for the iphones.  Interesting, remind me of the umbrella ads.

Have fun..   

A job is just a job - Part 2

How amazing a sleep can do wonders even though its not quality sleep. I must admit I don't have good qulaity sleep lately, and all this can tell from my face....  Well I wake up so peaceful, with a lovely song. :)  Its like everything is so peaceful, so wonderful........

Until u reach office, things change. you see negative things, collegues with negative thoughts. The bad point about me is I am easily influence by the surroundings. If colelgues are not happy, I will sense it and don't feel happy too. 

I had my collegues thanking me that day, cos I send them a note saying whatever Boss do, she has a reason. and we know that she won't disclose it . Disclosing sometime will help us to understand better but probaby she feel we may treat our peers differently as such choose not to disclose.


Its okay if someone can't cope and have the load reduce, but don't just get someone to do it without explaining why. As point out by one peer, don't do it at the expense of us,neglecting our feelings.

I certainly don't wish to see the whole team unhappy. Probably Boss overlook that we are afterall humans with feelings, not robots.

Whatever it is, my messages with A probably help. Don't know what he discuss with B, but somehow he now has to relook at our load.  Does this help? I don't know. I did tell A,  looking at our number of profiles each is crap, if you have little, maybe yes its easy but it could be complicated work, so u need to adjsut all that factors in. And all the extrac ECA, coordination stuff all takes time..... Glad he see my point.

I do really hope Boss give A his over due recognition. That is something I am disgusted with.    Talk is cheap, I told A that.  You can say anything you want, saying how good you are, balalbalbla, end of the day where's the action.

Anyway we all have a choice. And I know I did to do something very important now.....          

Stay at peace with yourself and everything will fall into place......................

A job is just a job

A job is just a job, now am telling myself this.

Intially had thought it would be a relief to have E coming back to the team but guess all of us are wrong. It is really puzzling and kind of surprise to know the decision which boss had made. Yes I know I should not judge but I can't help it, its just pure favouritism. Ridicuously, do no want to load her, steep learning curve etc according to what she had told one of my collegues.

Who has given the rest of us this chance. since when in my company do we have that luxury, moreover excuse me, she is not new.  Jealous if u ask me, nope I am not. I only want my life and my collegues lifes back thats all. 

How disgusting, E actually had her role cut. Perhaps boss and her had some special arrangments made. I do not know, and really since Jan this year I learn there is no such thing call transparent.  All I do know is the role model in our team is also getting piss off.  All of us are too nice to keep quiet and never report what actually occurs. This is how kind we are and now this bites us back.

I just got to learn of a new powerful word. "Pregnant "   really powerful. Come join my team if u are planning to get pregnant.. But risk being resented by the rest cos we have to cover everything of yours and when u come back, ur role gets cut... isn't it good.

I don't mind to switch my role with her . Anyway I had enough................... I really can't be bothered now.. I didn't even submit a certain report for the 2nd month now. If people did not ask and chase for it this  means they do not need it and thus means I shouldn't be wasting my time on it.

Did I hear something about maybe equity adjustments, promotions . No special forumula but ur performance needs to exceed your current level of expectations.

My opinion if you ask me. I feel like vomiting. Phui... Its still back to B&P and now an additonal P. Now the new abbreviation is BPP....

Now what is the lord trying to tell me, maybe Grace no longer exisit. When God wants you to be in somewhere else, he will lead u to it by making ur circumstances unbearable........ maybe thats it.............. Let's see.

Sorry Boss, u just make E the topic now.  Now no one in the team is going to be happy for sure....  For me, don't come poke me. Poke some more, you bear the consequence. My skill sets are portable with me thats what I know.
.................................................
OK am done with venting my frustrations.. time to go zzz.. back to backm eeting from 8am all the way... tomorrow.. sheesze think i can skip my lunchie again...   I still owe peopel things.. Don't know what is happen in G China.. all the deals just come non stop china, hongkong, everywehre and all of them requires extra work ....... what kind of deal structure is that....


    i need plum soda. to make me happy now

Reminder for myself..

John 16:33

33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Isaiah 61:3
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,


To give them beauty for ashes,

The oil of joy for mourning,

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

That they may be called trees of righteousness,

The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”
 
Isaiah 26:3


3 You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.

Peter 5:6-7

6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

When you get what your want in your strugge for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see wha tthe man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
upon whose judment you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
is the man lookin g back in the glass.

He's the fellow toplease, never midn the rest,
He'll be with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed the most dangerous, difficult test
Of the guy in the glass is your friend.

For you can fool the whole world in the pathway of life
And get pats on your back as your pass,
But the final rewards will be heartache and tears
If your've cheated the man in  the glass


                 Author unknown

讽刺

当朋友有事时,自己都能够帮忙开解他们。 但当发生在自己身旁的亲人时，却爱莫能助。 当一切似乎风平浪静时，却是另一场暴风雨的开始。以为一切已经解决时，原来问题的症结终究还在。

真的不想管，不想理。 但依然还是被卷入。 主啊，惟有你是万能的。


Dear lord,

Pls keep them intact, and let them see your love, grace and let them be saved.

Nov 27 2009-- A day to remember--Part 1

A beautiful day to remmber, cos this is the day that my dear girlfriend got married. one of my closest buddy ...


Took a cab to her house this morning and Taxi uncle don't believe that I am not married. When I tell him that I am really not married, he says what most people  say:  "U have high standards.."    Arrrgg.. no no, I don't have high standards not asking for those 5 cs like condos, credit card etc etc. .

Maybe I should say its because I don't have high stardards that's why I am still single and available. ha hahah.. ooopsss.. well well the lord just want to enjoy my single life more, while he is preparing me and the other one ready.. Aferall I am a precious beloved Gem of the Lord :) .   I ask for is just someone of the someone whom I can workship together serving the same God, someone who is faithful (how he treat his family, friends, etc, how he handles his finance, is reponsible)  , full of loving kindness thats all.  Sounds easy right, well of cos must be able to flow with you.

Nice uncle  though, he wish me quickly find one. :)  

Evening time, was chit  chatting with the Make up artist while she was doing my make up. She ask me if I got children when I ask her how many children she has.. I said I am not married and don't have a boyfriend, she don't believe.. .......    Again same thing from what Taxi uncle say abt high standards etc.. When I said I really don't have high stds, she says some observation about Singapore men which I kind of  agree.

She says Singapore men are too fortunate. Cos they feel singapore woman have too high stds so prefer to go elsewhere to find. Not realising that sometimes these woman are out there to cheat them (btw this MUA is not from Singapore and she married a Singaporean).  She has seen many such cases through her daily interaction via her job.

One interesting comment is Singapore men are really nice guys except they have one weakness which I  do agree in a way as it speaks for most majority people, ie They can't stand tempation.

新加坡男人太幸福了。 。。。。。。 他们的确是不错但是有一个致命伤，就是经不起诱惑。

Thank u Lord

Am so happy and excited and I know I can't sleep now.. so thought of writting this entry here.

**Note: This is purely my personal feelings and thoughts at that time and current present time. Pls do not pass any judgement on anyone here. (Plus remember you only hear my side of the story, didn't your teachers tell you to listen to both sides of the story :)  God made us all unique in our own ways and we each are not perfect and  therefore has flaws which we all need to depend on His Grace. Each event that happen lead us to learn something and I do have learnt. Back then of cos I wonder why this happen but now I realise by going through this I see his Grace and Mercy and really knowing how good its is to know via His Grace we do not need to carry any hatred and can be happy    **

Want to give all glory to the lord.  I know if it isn't for Him, I won't be able to give my blessing to the couple who is getting married yesterday. :)  Blessing not in terms of $$$ (of cos the ang pow is naturally bigger than other common frens) but real sincert heartfelt blessings .

3 years ago, something happen, I don't want to describe in too detail what happen here since all things have past. All I can say is I am someone who can't stand others who bully my friends whom I treasured very much. And that can lead to disastrous things.. I think I probably almost get myself killed or get injured  that day in a foreign land. But lord is good that I feel his peace on that day, somehow I reacted not what I will normally do. If I had reacted in my usual style, that probably will lead to unfortunate events.

Yes it does involved the couple and they were then not a couple then. I was really disappointed in the way how my dear girl friend reacted and I always remember what I told her that day. It is quite a scene then, imagine in a foreign land, we had all the foreigners staring at us. Thats secondary, the worst thing was it can be scary for most gals.  Yes I saw the fiery in his eyes, and kind of reminded me of my bro with his bad temper.  No I didn't teared. Remember I had said I never teared infront of my bro if possible. 

OK deep inside my heart I was praying in tongues, and I felt this peace with me. Strange thing, in my head I was actually thinking how how how..  ( I was too kind then to agree to let him stay together in the same room as me and my gf) .... and start to forumulate plans..

Really thank the lord, nothing happen, thats why I am still in one piece here today.  But of cos I had some wisdom (from the lord of cos) to resolve certain things.. .  

Lord is so good that despite he staying so near me, I never bump into him. In fact on a few occasions somehow I didnt turn up for certain outings and he was there ( I didn't know upfront if he's going to be there so I didn't purposely not go) , It was just strange ya....

Until  last year did I see him, I was walking home. And somehow I cross the road earlier at a bus stop  (not at the usual place I would normally cross)  and there a bus stopped at the bus stop. And there he was, alighting from the bus right infront of me. 

I smiled at him and say hi. He look rather awarked and then slowly recovering say hi to me.  At that moment I realise all has passed and there is no more hatred in me . If not I would have just pretended I didn't see him..

It is the Lord :) cos He has forgiven all our sins. What more could I not forgiven..

Earlier this year I was at a chalet with them and I see the change in this guy and I see that my girl fren is in good hands.  .. I remember back then ie 3 years ago, I once tell a very close friend, no way will I give my blessings to them and she was asking me lately if I will give my blessings. My reply was of cos I will give :)

To another friend who once ask , how come I can now talk to him. I just want to say, don't judge and measure people. If you think I am petty (by all means) . Probably if its you that gone through what I went through, you probably  are still bearing hatred.. haha.. maybe who knows.

I know I can cos I have HIM.

Amen

Quote

Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first, and the lesson afterwards.. Life is all about experiences.

Quote

Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first, and the lesson afterwards.. Life is all about experiences.

What would you do

if its the end of the world?

I ask this qn and TS says: I will eat a big fat meal ".. Typical her,  who enjoy cooking and likes great cook. I been blessed by her cooking hehehehe..

K and Jen says to spend with their love ones.. Autumn answer is identitical to mine.

Mine???
I will tell everyone whom I like I love them including my parents, siblings, lovely frens. Clear up any misunderstandings.. and lastly I will confess to the person whom I like... If I don't confess I won't have any more chance.

Lastly I will tell the lord, let me join him earlier, cos I do not want to stay behind and watch my loves ones and the rest die.. I will cry.... Autumn thought that I was funny to say that..

I also told Autumn if I dont have any love ones to confess, I will wait to die.. hahha sounds so pathelic ah.. but really I am not afraid of death for its a union with the lord........

So what woudl you do if its the end of the world tomorrow.

such a dumb

Just feel like kicking myself and scolding myself for being such a dumb dumb stupid  idiot all this while....    .


Ok i better go to sleep now... having tension headaches as a result of my stiff and painful aching shouldres, neck... think my right hands/arms are going to suffer the same fate soon...  

Tired....

小点突然觉得好累好累。好像开始知道什么是累了。 不知道这一年来我是怎么撑的，好象很神奇似的。我知道是主的力量。 没有他我跟本不可能能继续这样下去的。

It's time to change. Pruning season needs to be  over, and I am awaiting for the blossoms and the fruits. I knowt te lord will always be with me no matter which path I choose. Even if it means I need to restart all over. Its seems a waste that I have to give it all up( Haven't I did that in the past anyway).

Each path there will always be something I learn and grow, this is what I believe.   Where grace is no longer there, its time to follow the path whre the grace is. 

Good things are going to happen.............I am sure of that................... its a matter of when. Be patient the lord told me, for he has raise me up.......................     As I listen to Secret garden's you raise me up, the tears will always flow down............................  You raise me up so I can stand on mountain.................... How well written and composed this song is .............................   


"You Raise Me Up"




When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;

When troubles come and my heart burdened be;

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,

Until you come and sit awhile with me.



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up... To more than I can be.



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up... To more than I can be.



There is no life - no life without its hunger;

Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;

But when you come and I am filled with wonder,

Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up... To more than I can be.



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up... To more than I can be.



You raise me up... To more than I can be

I am not that strong

A fren say that I came across as a strong lady and would need a man with lots of TLC.

That statement strikes me deep in my heart. I am not that strong really.   All this are false front. I guess its probably the environment that I grew up with. I think I wasn't really a happy kid when I grew up. My brother always bully me, call me ugly nick names, make me cry, laughing at me when I cry.

Slowly as I grew up I tell myself don't cry, then he won't be able to laugh at me, he would have no fun at all. Kind of did help i think.. I remembered at one moment I dislike my brother especially after he went into secondary school.. His temper is horrible and always throwing temper at the family. And I think my character was probably build up from there,  I always defied him, I am the only one to retaliate, always arguing back.  Mum always say I iron teeth. One of the days he actually punch my nose till I bleed.  Did my mum punish him, I think she only scolded him but never puNish.., I wonder what if its the oppsite way. I guess I would have been punished.   (Not jealous, bur rather I have come to accept the fact that mum always dote on this only son even up till now despite whatever he do. Well the lord knows our heart and that is good enough)


Pls don't say I am mean for disliking my brother. If you have such a brother I am sure you would. Sometimes he make you feel so miserable until u feel like you don't want to live in this world. Ok maybe I read too much those sad stories and turn permissitc but this does leave serious impact on your life.  one incident happen when I was in P6, and i realise I do actually love him. Blood is perhaps still thicker than water. However up till when I go into sec school, he is still bullying me.

I do not like him saying things like Girls dont need to study so hard, boi eng.. balalblablablaba.   that is how mean he is. 

Thank the lord that afer his NS and after he gone into working life, he kind of tone down. Our relationship improve. Of cos at times I still quarrel with him occassionarily when he is unreasonable. Mum again always side him , saying I am rude to him infront of my SIL.  One day I tell my mother straight in the face, look at who is right or wrong.  My sisters all stand at my side, saying I am innocent :)  some months ago, when my mother scolded me agian over my bro (I can't remember what is the cause of that quarrel, and I also can't be bother to remmebr), I just blurt out some stuff.   Well I think sometimes its right to let her know certain stuff else she will forever think the son is the greatest.

I feel like telling my mum at times: "Can you please open your eyes and  touch your heart. Who takes care of you, who was the one who brought you to doctor,  who brings you out to tour, who paid for your tours. Who give you $$$, Who is the one who always come  and xxxxxx "

If ever I am married and have kids I won't allow that to happen. This is such bad imapct to a kid's development. .

My brother is not that nasty now, afterall he has settle down with kids. Of cos no one is perfect we got to learn to accept this fact and to accept the imperfectons. 包容和宽恕是很重要的.   I do not have space for hatred too :). Our life is already short enough so learn to love all your neighbours and brothers and sisters and enemies.

As for me, I am just me. I will still not cry infront of you, but will secretly find somewhere to hid and cry. Only exception is when i am watching shows.

Think my friend is right I needs lot of tender loving care.  Who can I find? I can only find in my lala land with Jesus  for now  or maybe forever  it will be like this..   I really do not have answers for this..

A small dot

Since yesterday I wasn't feeling great. could have started since Sunday night, since I was doing my montly closing. Was kind of disappointed with my business counterparts. On Monday, that feeling was even stronger as I discover more things .

If I do not have expectation , I won't be disappinted. Thats what the general sayings goes. But we are in a predetermine role, which means there is a certain expectation of your role. Here I am trying to do my job but here there are refusing to listen to me. It was disappinting because I have been reminding them for >1year and yet this thing was still missed out. So what does this proves.


I am just a nobody a small little dot.  Not the first time that happens, I shouldn't feel sad about it. I could be saying one thing but nobody believes. But when another person of a higher authority says exactly the ame thing that I said, people believes that person.. How sad isn't it..  Respect needs to be earn, I know.

But now is not respect that I need, its all the trust are all broken. Anyway since my advice has all gone on deaf ears , let it be. I shan't go and help them . I see it I am just going to the necessary. No chance of negotiation least I get myself into trouble again . I had often gotten myself into trouble because I was too kind enough.  

Harden heart shall start today. I am really drained now.....

她喜欢他

我可以深深地体会这个女孩的心情。。。。。。不是不想说而是他不懂得看看他身后的她. 




转载自http://www.cn0851.com/u/space.php?uid=48844&do=blog&id=61574



她喜欢他,时间不算长,却仿佛经过了漫长的世纪,小小的心事不懂得诉说,无法开口诉说,便成了往事,风却带不走.

她喜欢他,小心翼翼,一再划破内心柔软的角落,象无数细小的伤口,不懂得愈合,脸上却含着微笑望着他.

她喜欢他,可她只是装作不喜欢,和他开些不痛不痒的玩笑,假装洒脱,假装快乐.

她喜欢他,把他对自己的每一点滴的好,当作天大的快乐,记得他随口说说的喜欢什么.

她喜欢他,可他的视线却避开了她,于是她隐藏着心里巨大的伤痛.

她喜欢他,他却在她的视线里爱上了别人,她脸上含着不自然的微笑,心里却传来巨大的疼痛,几乎将她撕裂.

她喜欢他,望着他为别人的落寞,她恨不得不顾矜持吻平他脸上伤痕.

她喜欢他,很想祝福他,却无法开口祝福他和别人的幸福.

她喜欢他,多想告诉他,却为什么连个机会都没有,只能隐忍的将泪水一再的忍停在眼眶.

她喜欢他,只是,他却不懂得看看他身后的她.

请珍惜身后的她

GXT Academic Excellence 2009

This is very funny. Have a good laugh haha

绝对男友

This post was meant to be posted couple of months ago,but was just too lazy. For a few months every Friday I am always at home trying to catch this japanese drama series 绝对男友. (ultimate boyfriend??) .

why ?I seldom follow TV serials but guess this show caught my eye. Some portions its funny, cute and somehow I got attracted to the male lead. Nope not that robot. I must say he is realy handosme and cute.. but its the other lead who caught my eye is not handsome but his character in the show is simply cool. Do things without explainations and sometimes causing misunderstanding.   Oh yah another part is you can really see the girl's delication in creating the creme puffs and the guy's dream in pursuing the orginal taste of his grandfather's creame puff. .

heh there you go,yup its the one on the left handside. Most gals will say the guy in the middle is handsome.. Yes no doubt, but too handsome le, I dont like..  Anyway the not so handsome actor's name  is 水岛宏 Hiro Mizushima

Anyway partner do not need to be handsome, afterall looks will wither. Sometimes too handsome equates to  you don't have peace (if you   get what I mean.) . As long as you can get along, can communicate, see each other eye to eye, can support and guide each other , , 2 whole person (not half + half= one whole person, thats really wrong) can workship the lord together,  what more do you ask for. The rest lord willprovide.

海角七號 - 第七封信 - 情書

Lovely song that can made u tear





一直到 双手像枯树一样斑驳
这些字 才想起了当时的温柔
一直到 邮差走遍千万个门口
这些信 才想起了流浪的理由
一封封 情书穿越缓慢的时空
代替我 来不及说的含情脉脉
我相信 离开终究会有始有终
有一天 我将能为你描写彩虹

一直到 海角吞没船尾的脸孔
这港湾 才扬起那咸咸的海风
一直到 时间终于一去不回头
这些信 才回到我爱人的手中
一封封 情书穿越缓慢的时空
代替我 等了好久的十指相拥
我知道 回去不一定一路顺风
只希望 有天好好梳你的白头

只希望 有天好好梳你的白头

Did I take the wrong move

This collegue of mine has been telling me a method of getting myself hitch and get married. Saying it works for all his friends. So the rest encourage me ask me to go try.

I was so tempted to try but then I decide to just trust in the lord. Abba father is the creator and nothing is impossible for him. Surely he will provide. 

When I tell my beautifican who attend the same church as me she said  wah u have so great faith. Thanks to Lavendar sis who encourage me one day while we are "pen paling" each other :)

If I had follow my collegue's method, I would have gotten at least 2 or 3 now, according to him by the 5th time I should see something.. Anyway I trust that HE will provide and meanwhile am preparing me and the other person to get ourselves ready when the times come.. it comes.

I don't like this old "fren"

an old "fren" came to visit me which I dont like. Its name is called gastric pain which means I get hungry each time it came due to over active gastric juice..   must be those 15 min/5min lunches and dinners. Last Tuesday worst, totally forgotten about my dinner until 10 plus... and i work since 7am all the way tilll almost 12 am....  worst than a production operator right..


I ask for it now i am suffering from bad hormones, bad acne, bad gastric.. ok time to sleep

HugPlush

Happen to glance at the TV and saw this program about woman coming out to the workfoce to set up their career. It could be becoming a hair dresser, a maid consultant, haing cooking class for children etc etc.


This lady caught my eye. Her creations is just faboulous.. so super cute.. and bright. I like it. Wish I had her talent.. Now TS is asking me to sew her one. I told her, if i can sew this well, i won't be working at this weird hour and suffering gastric pain.



HugPlush

Mum........Its because

Overheard mum "talking" to her friend over the phone, and she is "complaining" about her daughters all do not want to get married. Really feel like telling her: "Mum, its not that I do not want to settle down, I do want to settle down, get married and have a family of my own, but the guy just never came along, or did I miss the boat".

Sometimes there are people whom you met at the wrong timing or there are people who are just not your type . It could be you like someone but that someone just never recriporate and share the same view as you meaning he is just not that into you despite you dropping hints. So what do you expect me to do? Take a knife and force that person?

I can only leave this to the lord and trust in Him that he is preparing me and preparing the other person to get us ready,so that when we meet each other, we are ready for each other.

Using paper bags to curl hair

Enjoy hmmm now i find another usage for my brown paper bags

Curling hairs with tongs

My TS show me the paperbag curls then I saw this using tongs.. will show u the paperbag curls later..

RSI

I think I am getting Repeative stress injury on my neck, shouldres and back.. goodness too much working , typing , cracking my brain juice on the laptop has result in this injury..

On Sat, went to this place to Tuina and its really pain that I feel like crying out. Esp my left side.. my neglected left side turns out to be the worst, even more pain than the right handside.. goodness. I never realise that.

Its time to....

I think its time I act. Since enough time and chances have been given, it's time I take action, at least this item on my to do list is something I can control and can do. Some of the other stuff is not within my control unfortunately, and care will be taken care by the lord.

so what am I going to do? Secret, if I succeed will let all of ya know..

The lord will be my sheperd guiding me.......

Enneagram Test

Took this test for fun.. i shall retake it to see if its accurate..

Quite true in certain aspects..

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Times of your life - Joanna wong

Enjoy

Sewing

Chance onto this website, thought some of you might be interested

http://www.sewforthnow.blogspot.com/

A horrible close

This is yet one of the worst close perhaps the worst close I have gone through in my 3.5 years in this company.

Imagine I already start my work over the weekend. Before and after my church serving I am also working.Since Monday, I had big shocks of $Xm might be at risk and I got to act quick to inform the US team about this since my boss wasn't around.

Yesterday was worst, I practically work non stop since 8.30 till 12 plus am.. yes more than 12 hours. Got to chase my teammates to finish their work so I can start another portion of my work. While they are resting I am busy consolidating the numebrs for my forecast and I can only start start around 6 plus towards 7 although I told them to finish the updates by 4pm. At 10.38pm, my collegue send me a email informing me of a deal to be on watchlist and that is another $XM.

Faint is the word I would use. Ny watchlist is full of bad news....

This morning went through the call, and its realy scary. So many bad news. Immediatelly after the call, I reupdate the list and numbers agian based on the latest movement, and yes thats only like within 1 hr, things change.

and now I promised to have daily updates to them, I doubt I have any.. It will probbaly come in on Friday the last day. Keep my fingers cross. Good thing is my counterpart didn't grill me today. Instead he say: Mei, this is not your fault" hahah Praise the lord.. thats the only thing I can laugh today.


I am so...................tired. My back and shoulders are in great pain and aching.
:( Did I tell you folks I woke up with a swollen left eye on Monday. Too heaty, and I didnt had enough water for the past 2 weeks, so was dehydrated. No choice drink bittergourd juice, its of cos bitter. Today bittergourd as well, still bitter despite blending cucumber and pear in. goodness... The left eye is so itchy as well.. haiz....

I tell myself I dont want to go through another such close agian.................:(
The other bad news I have is XXX decide to only come back in Dec. No prize for guessing who. Why is her life so "blessed". Life isn't always fair. Sorry am not complaining but its difficult for me not to compare when you realise no matter what you do, how well you performe, all of us are in the same bucket.

Who knows, since someone come in later, the package of cos will be different. No prize for guessing what I meant by this.. What can I say: Trust in the lord with all my heart....

A story of mine

So far I never shared this story to my caregrp, not that I dont want to share, just too shy to share.Only XW knows of this some time ago. This year i start to share this story to my non christians frens to encourage them and now I decide to share with everyone .

In late 2005, I had tender(without a job), but still stay on as I wanted to help my mgr who is going away on maternity. Purely out of goodwill that I decide to stay on help her with the budget and until she comes back. During Dec time frame I start to see abnormal blood discharge after my menstrual cycle. It was just droplets of blood, very little discharge over a few days. As if I have another menstrual cycle. I had then thought I am probably too stress cos I had that once some years back.

I ignore it and I did go see a doc eventually, she mention I am probably too stress and tell me to go to her if this continue.

End Jan 2006 I left the company. Feb I brought my parents away to tour, and then the problem still comes back while I was on the trip.

It was then that I start to get panick. Cos then I am jobless and as every human being we start to imagine the worst. I then decide to see a chinese sinseh but well no help either. On top of that, I got some weird feeling at the throat.

Everytime whenever I go to church, when Pastor prays for healing, I will be there crying out for the lord saying: Yes lord, I want to be healed"

I pray in the bathroom while I was bathing too. It was that desperate.

And each time I am so dishearten when the following month the same thing happen.


One day after my shower, as I walk out of the bathroom, somehow I just turn back and then I saw this little red almond seed size stuff on the floor. I pick it up flush into the toilet.

I know I am healed when I pick it up that instant. Its just a feeling in my heart.

Up till now I still dont know what that thing is. Maybe should have take to the doctor.. but well.. nevermind..

The most important thing is the discharge stop and never bother me ever since. Praise the Lrod

All glory to the lord..

sam and esther

I can't help but to tear at this. We are indeed bless, start counting our blessings.

Lord is good

Yesterday afternoon I lost $50. I don't bet, its just my blurness.. too mi hu le. Went to gym in a rush and didnt bring my wallet along, just grab some notes out. As I came out of gym I remember placing the $$$ in a paper bag. Went to amoy to tabao beehoon and was thinking to use $50 note to pay then decide just pay her with my small notes.. and so i dump back that $50 note into the paper bag, and walk bac to office.

Bac in office, uh oh, i discover my $50 note went missing.. I think instead of landing into the paper bag must have land soemwhere else. Hopefully this bless someone else . What to do. Now I was really sad and to add to that, it was just a very busy day and non stop working until I got no time to even drink .At midnight while checking some deals, I realise that the region that I support has a order that violate companies guidelines.. Arrrg this cause me to have to quickly create in system a profile to pull back that order so that nothing gets book.

End of the day before I sleep i told the lord I am so tired and sad, and lord pls restore, plus my pocket is really big holes now with all the wedding inviations, baby showers i am getting.. gosh.

This morning , I log in at 7am and as I clear my mails, I saw this CAP AWARD. hmm strange, my boss was on leave and plus I don't think she issues any except for the 3 years iniitial set up of the team.

Click on it. it was from a US manager from my organisation whom I was working with for a project some time earlier. Praise the lord. This is really a pleasant surprise. I open up the attachment and well not a huge sum going by past stds in other teams, but really its good especially coming from my organisation(well know that organisation that I falls under is always the lead in cost cutting measurments :) ) and is something I didnt expect.

Amt definitely more than $50, the $$ shall be used to bao ang bao for my good fren's wedding in Nov.. There is something else I wanan share.. but i cant remembr now hahah . goldfish memory nowadys.. share next time


The lord is good, always.

The world's toughest Job

An article that caught my eyes yesterday, saluate this guy and hope Col. Gen. Khoodaidad succeed in his battle against the drugs. Just imagine Afghanista accounts for the source of 93% of the world's heroin. Its a tough lonely batter for him to dealt with corrupt officials, Taliban, trafficker and all sorts of issues. May he succeed.

http://money.cnn.com/2009/09/29/news/international/afghanistan_taliban_drugs.fortune/index.htm

Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa (live, HQ)

Very interesting..

Don't understand certain things

There are some thoughts going through my mind lately. I don't understand what, why, how etc etc especially if it involves the complicated human beings. Today's Pastor's sermon kind of englighten me in certain ways.

Don't question why, praise the lord acknowledge him for his love and mercy and he will show me the way, his way for me. My way is not the way, but his way is the way.

Lord I thank you for who I am, for all your mercies and your love me. I do not know what and why the current situation but I do know you are here for me and you will give me the wisdom and show me the way.

Gal be brave

Gal, It saddens me to see you losing so much weight and losing your usual self. I know I am so cruel to you today for being so honest and almost causing you to tear. So sorry gal. But I want you to be happy and go back to being you.

I know deep in your heart you know the answer, but you are just trying to give him more chances. Whatever I said, you already told him and you know what the answer will be. What I told you today merely confirms what you been hiding in your heart.

It pains me to hear you saying sometimes you just feel like signing the letter. But gal, this won't solve the problem, and you know it. I want you to marry as a happy bride and not a sad bride. Since you no longer have the trust and peace in your heart, let go and be happy. If you marry with no trust, your marriage will end up in distrust and arguments and you know what it will lead to. Someone has to step out of this triangular relationship.

I know saying is always easier than doing but I know you can do it.

If he does treasure you, he will do all means to get you back. Talk is always cheap. You done what you can do, his frens done what they can do. The choice is his to take now.

Let go and be free from all this burden. You will find your happiness. Remember what I always tell you: find peace in your heart in all your decisions.

will keep you in my prayers that Abba daddy will give you the wisdom and guidance to lead you everyday.

----------------------------------------------------
其实好想拥抱你,但看到你的泪已经在眼眶里打滚,随时流下来，所以决定还是不要的好。 免得好事的人有了新话题。 只能拍拍你肩膀。加油啊！

You're the one

Didn't realise this song is by Chris Tomlin.

There you go, enjoy... Can's wait for the rest of the series to be shown. Actually I have finished the whole book of Chronicles of Nardia before the 1st movie was shown :P .. Ending a little sad (my personal feel) .. Think I shall go read again, maybe I will have new insignts.

You are the one

I heard Your song coming over the hill
I knew it seemed like the world stood still
You were singin a melody that caught me by surprise
Yeah it sounded familiar to me, like I'd known it all my life

And I keep looking down as I move in closer
My heart is racing now with fear and wonder
Could I come back to You so long on my own
From where I am, I know this is not my home

Chorus
('Cause) You're the one I believe
A king, and friend has always been holding onto me
You're the one that I have seen
Your life and death the endless breath breathing into me

Just the mention of Your name and I know, I know I've found love
'Cause You're the one

High in a hidden world is where You are found
Where every living thing circles around
I find myself again where I used to be
With the rescued ones falling on my knees

Chorus
('Cause) You're the one I believe
A king, and friend has always been holding onto me
You're the one that I have seen
Your life and death the endless breath breathing into me

Just the mention of Your name and I know, I know I've found love
'Cause You're the one

In Your presense there is mercy
In the fear, joy and the tears
It's Your goodness that keeps on, keeps on calling us here
Drawing us near

Chorus
('Cause) You're the one I believe
A king, and friend has always been holding onto me
You're the one that I have seen
Your life and death the endless breath breathing into me

Just the mention of Your name and I know, I know I've found love
'Cause You're the one

happy ,.. not happy?

I dont know..
Treat sj to her belated bday treat on friday.. cut my hair on sat.. was happy with my haircut but cost a bomb my most exp hair cut in my whole life. but its an experience.. hahahah nothing spectular, but its something differnt the way the stylist cut my hair.

Hmm spend $$$ on clothing on sat.. dotn know why just feel like buying clothes. waste $$.

Have a good feast with the gals. Ck, dor, BH. ooh havnet upload the photos yet.. shall upload here. he heheh..

A little piss off earlier today.. Work is always full of ups and downs.. tired go to sleep bah.tomorow is another battle

Secret Garden - Nocturne

Fell in love with Secret Garden when I was in Norway. Now I kind of regret I didnt get the album. Hopefully I can find it locaLly.

This is the song that they won in the Eurovision Song contest in 1995 and they launched their 1st album after this.

check this out

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=266255140480&ref=share


I was touched watching this, tears forming about to roll down the face .............................. when ................... I realise.... u go watch urself.




感情被欺骗了...... who ask me to be so guiliable.. next time I shall tell u folks the story of me being trusting my dear one and being make fun of..

为什么这样呢?

不了解.身边的朋友为什么都这样不开心呢?

即将结婚的朋友为了家里某些事而难过。 若我是她，同样会难受。我只能为她祈祷，希望她能放下心中的包袱，敞开胸怀，面对家人。 从前所有的误会都该结束了。误会越积越深，演变成现在的局面。

另一个取消了婚礼。佩服她的勇气，不容易但我相信她的决定是对的。婚前的信任都已消失了，哪来的结合。她值得我们尊重。

lots more, but i am too tired now.. am going to bed with a list of prayers that i need to do for quite a number of people. May all of them be surrounded by God's grace and wisdom. Those that are sick are heal, those that are troubled are relieve of this burdening. Let all be at Peace. amen

玩过大风吹的游戏吗?

玩过大风吹的游戏吗?再加上音乐椅的游戏是不是更好玩?

......周遭的事让我有感而发,写上以上句子。两个截然不同的的环境但都有共同点: 有人因此得意，有人因此失意。

Even play the game musical chair and couple with Simon says games. Exciting? Childhood games are fun but not in adult world. Well lately has been seeing the games constantly being play. Now in 2 totally different environments but since it involves humans so the same characteristic is shown.

During this power struggle, some will be happy some will be sad.

What's there to fighto me being happy doing what you like without the fight is more important however sometimes it can be hard to be happy especially when somehow other's decisions affected you. Well I am perfectly fine, not directly involved but somehow is indirectly affected by people's decision. Because I am a small little fly.

I shall stay still and see. Wonder where did all the grace go.. Humans are afterall humans.

The lord says: Be still, know I am lord and I am here.


I always remmber this by heart: Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding. In all ways acknoledge him and he shall guide you Proverbs 3:5-6

Thankful

Actually come to think of it, I am favored. Why? Cos I say I wanna go on PTO, take a break out of SG, choose a timing. Went down to a agency saw got this XXX holiday,call SJ and book.

All done without even asking boss for permission, without comparing other agencies rates, without xxx xxx xx. Serious, thats was just how I did it. The rest leave it to the lord. Thankfully boss allows my leave (afterall its not close period). Really thankful she helps to do my forecast else forever I won't be able to take leave cos non close period = forecast/submission, who is going to do this for me since nobody wants to take on this task ??

(Think I must be the only one who is dumb enough who say yes when boss ask if I wanna take up this challenge)

Anyway, really I am blessed with a good tour leader. He totally change my opinion of a tour leader's duties. In the past those trips that I have gone and with a tour leader from sg, I have the "why should I give u tips" mindset cos they don't do anything extra.But this one is really good, reads up, gives information, making sure we are all comfortable, taking care of us. The extend of things he do really opens my eyes.


Story of my trip shall continue. hmmm I still feel the pain I had about the $$$ that I need to spend now.... Thats why the lord says" Worrying is such a sin... story to be continue

想念你的歌---张惠春

An old song by Saya, zhang hui chun ,A Mei's sister. I lost this song in my ipod when it crashes a few mths ago.. :(

是否曾经后悔过
那时候扶起说走 就走
是否偶尔想过我
所以埋怨我
每当听你的下落
逞强常常让人无法负荷
躲起来边哭边说 I miss you
还舍不得把你封锁

星光闪烁如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用半生的脉搏写成
想念你的歌

该怎么才能让你懂呢
谁对谁错已经模糊了
忘记了 我们都处理得有点笨拙
已经从来没有像这一次如此爱过
想念常让我无法负荷
常常只有一个念头 i miss you
我的爱情从来没有死掉过

星光闪烁如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用半生的脉搏写成想念你的歌

开始想念

想念朋友。 不知道为什么？ 老了吗？

想念小榆，不知道她好吗？ 又没有她的信息了。 但至少她终于跟妈妈联络了。 好高兴她听我的话，而且还坚持去探访妈妈两次，虽然第一次并不愉快。接下来，希望她好好疗伤，勇敢站起来。

Suddenly start to miss cyn too. Think we two are a love hate frenship haha, （quote from SJ). well frens being so long, will quarrel, make up then reconcile.

Isnt that what happen between the angels too :-) but as we blossom into wonderful ladies we gain understanding of each other more, and we all are not perfect. If you know this person has a certain character trait, you won't pick on that flaw anymore. Why make youself unhappy :-)

还有好些好久没联络的朋友， 也开始想念他们了。 不知道此刻他们过的好不好，在做些什么？值得思念的人，也许在你生活中的某个阶段，扮演着某个重要的角色。

人生好短，好好珍惜你的朋友们吧！

For a girlfren

走过就好,
错过别回头,
放开双手,
带自己离开

也许就如薇说的旁观者清, 我这个旁观者看到的就是一个为自己找借口的人. Gal, 你要勇敢面对事实。 Leave it to Fate, may not work out as you need to make a decision, don't spend time worrying and finding excuses to forgive. Yes you need to forgive but not via this manner.

You want to give another chance but you have doubt, which means you don't have peace at your heart. Remember what I told you, you must have peace in your heart whatever your decision is.

看到你不开心的样子，我好为你难过。

时间会治疗一切，但希望你能快些走出来。加油！！

lalala mood

In a happy mood since 2 Fridays ago because its offical. I do not have to cover my collegue when she is on maternity which is starting next week. Yippie...

I know I sound mean. But really work is at my neck now. I got no more bandwidth. Tried that from Jan till Apr, and tell you I never been so tired before. I already doing my own stuff plus my ex team lead stuff since late last year and no headcount replacement. So give me some more, I am not going to float but drown...

I am glad cos I didn't have to turn down my boss as she didn't approach me Amen.. Previously my collegues were telling me : You think you can escape... Well the likelihood of me covering a certain piece is very very high since I used to be the one doing and I was already covering the person when she was on long medical leave since Jan...

And hmm my boss is going to help me cover my forecast when i am on leave.. cos no one wants to do this forecast piece.. What a irony ha ha.. spend 3 hrs going thru with boss last week and that almost make me have a sore throat... gosh... and she ended up with 6/7 pages of notes. .and till now i still havent add in all the formulas for her easy checking.. hmmmmm I never have this luxury when I take over from my ex team lead . Alot of things I got to figure out and all those automation i got to do it myself lor.

Its ok.... Well at least i get to be on leave .. I really need a break else all of you will see a zombie panda looking Mei.... or maybe a robot??



----------------------------------------------
Was happy for Xiao Yu too. I was so happy when she ping me last monday. I was concern that I havnet hear from her and blur me forgot to ask for her hp number. And with the typhoon, was wondering where is she. Well she is still upset I know but I am glad she listen to me and visit her mum. Not only that she is persistent, the first time she wasn't too happy with her mum and told herself she will never go and vist her mum again. But I am happy that her mum call her and she decide to vist her again. This time round, not as bad as the 1st time.

lord is good, I am really happy for her. I dont know why when I was trying to comfort her I told her to go visit her mum. I kind of recall one of Joel Osteen sermons I guess or could be my own Pastor sermons... guess its probably Spirt led... am so happy yippee..
I know better things are going to happen to her soon, all waiting for her to claim. fdidn't see her lately... :(

Now I hope Ah bell will be a strong gal too. Think she should be back in the coming week, hope I can try to talk to her some time .. Cos its the dreaded close again.

What is wrong with the place Taiwan. sounds like a sad place.. hmmmmm sorry the events revolving around these 2 ladies are their personal life stories, cannot disclose the details afterall its their story not my story, and I need to respect them.

Something to share

Heard this in Joel Osteen sermons in one of his pod cast. Think the title is "Recognising what battles to fight"

Kind of forgotten this, until Sis Amy (should call her Amy mummy cos she is so motherly :) reminded me of this recently.


25% of the people you meet wouldn't like you and never will
25% won't like you but could be persuaded to
25% will like you but could be persuaded not to and
25% will like you and stand by you no matter what

The best way to answer your critics is by your actions; Stay focused on the main goals that God has put in your heart!

This is a kind reminder to me not to focus too much on the critics that we received. These are like little distractions to us.

Focus instead on the main goals..

u believe this?

Since yesterday , I been receiving this via SMS:

Today is the day when Singtel, M1, Starhub celebrate the mark of Singaporeans sending a total of 60 billions local messages. Forward this msg to 10 person and you will have $49 of outgoing calls free!!! After so, you may check your phone bill to verify.

Do you folks believe above. I really laugh at people who send me this, one of which is my sis. HAHA. sorry no offence but really it just doesn't make sense.

Have you folks ask these questions:
1) why would Singtel, M1, Starhub jointly have this so called promotion. They are competiors mind you.
2) If its true, shouldn't we have learn from it via the mass media. Even if its not mass media, surely there would have been offical announcements directly from the telco
3) Look at the grammer mistake above
4)Why $49? since when did telco especially the red symbol one become so generous.
5) How do they track the sms, unless their server is so powerful?

And lots of qns continue. I think this is most likely the work of someone who wants to jam the servers, or someone testing how naive singaporeans are ........


well don't take it too seriously.... 就当是个玩笑.

Maybe I should..

count my blessings like what Joey Jie always tell me.

Like what she tell me, look around us, there are so much more people who needed help. Vs them, we are so much more fortunate.

Eg, We still have jobs vs those who lost their jobs. We have our family vs those who are orphans. The list goes on..........

My company has been laying off people and lately another round has come, and this time on finance. I know I am not part one of the unfortunate ones, maybe I should count my blessings.

Ironically, some years back when I was still in my 1st job, I did wish that I was one of those who got layoff . Maybe then I was kind of sick of my job and having work so many years there, I could get 5-6 months of package... see when you are young, you are bolder.

Now I am well.... I don't know.... kind of mid life crisis feelling.

I don't know what to do next.

One thing for sure, the lately events again confirm this: bosses are hard to please, cos they will judge you. The lord never judges. I always tell myself everything comes from the lord. He is the provider of everything, be it blessings, promotion etc. so look upon him.

I guess deep in my heart I know what to do with my job, I just want to confirm something else before I took another plunge.

On other parts of my life, I am still clueless. Can Jesus whisper into my ears or appear in my dream tonight.

I never had good sleep nowdays.. only except this afternoon. Ironically when I am terribly ill, and when I didn't sleep a wink last night. Its just tossing and tossing,left, right up and down all directions, all venues. Sofa, my sis bed, everywhere.. real pain in my head, limps, moments of cold, and hot and you name it..

Low Point

I think I probably reach low point in my life. I am kind of shock at my own reaction this afternoon, I just tear non stop, until my eyes are all red probably swollen now.

Talk is cheap For eg I tell X, C is wearing a nice dress today. And all the while C is just standing beside me, I don't even look at C in my eye, as if she is non existent. How would C feel. C would probably feel I am not sincere, I am just talking crap in order to please her.

Yes this is exactly what I feel now, talk is cheap. I don't need all these flowerly langues to tell me how good I am,show me the actions. It's not as if I am asking for increment or promotion (of cos if there are, I truely appreciate). If I want a higher position, long ago I would have been one, its a matter of whether I want to take that up or not.

What I am trying to say is where is the appreciation, the action. It's not even reflected on the basic grading. It still the same grade, and majority fell in that grade. My heart is feeling: "I am great , so ..."


Doing extra work, putting extra hours making sure everything is running right is just not worth it. Imagine someone who is doing lesser, more bochap, is also getting the same grade as you, what does this signal to you. Do less work right?


Anyway I guess today's incident just tell me, time for some action. Whatever things that people usually says is all crap. Somethihng that we should all remember is everything is political,it all depends on who the management is.

Fund raising for Charmaine

Posting this on behalf of my gf, Shanice.

A fund raising activity to help Charmaine who has cancer and requires huge sum of $$$$, my gf has come up with the below activity to help them. May Abba daddy keep all of them in good healthy and Charmaine to a speedy recovery

Fighting the Monster -- Fund Raising Jul 4, '09 10:38 AM
for everyone
I'm sure most of you might have heard about the huge sums of money that Cynthia is trying to raise for her daughter, Charmaine's cancer treatment.
Visit the web --- http://ourfeistyprincess.com/index.php

I would like to organise a fund raising event for this purpose by having a 1 hr fun jumpers workshop for all dogowners & their dogs.
I have emailed Charmaine's mother about this fund raising idea & I hope we will not disappoint her.

Do note that All money collected is for Charity & will be donated to the family for Charmaine's treatment.

This Event is also listed in http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/


Fight The Monster Fund Raising
-- Fun Jumpers Workshop & Fun Games

Venue: Bishan Park Dog Run (small field)
Date: Sat 11th July
Time: 7 - 8pm
Fees: $50 per dog & owner
Additional dog @ $10 each

Activities:
1) Fun Games eg: Doggie Race, Hurdle Race, Best Costume
2) Fun Jumpers Workshop

Do register with your name, contact number & full payment.
As this is for Charity, there will be no refund.

Do register by 10th July Fri.

Email your registration & enquiries to: charitydogsports@yahoo.com.sg

Weird feeling

Its just a weird restless mood. Don't ask me why, I dont know too. Maybe cos I grow older today ?

Thank u all for your blessings. As always I spend the day with myself. To me there is nothing to celebrate cos its just another ordindary day. I don't have the habit to celebrate since young. Nowdays my sweet sis would usually buy a cake for me though.. muacks.

Going out with frens during this period is more of a excuse for gathering people else its so hard to gather all the good frens .. :) I enjoy their presence, their accompany. Its not the bday that has got the meaning, its the frenship that matters. The same applies to father's day, mother's day. Do you think your parents will be happy when you only celebrate once a year with them. I bet you that they will rather u be a filial daughter/son all year long thats what matter most. I know I haven't been a good daughter... :(

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I am happy a while ago that L tell me she wasn't angry with me. Could be misunderstanding or misinterpretion by another fren of us.... Whatever it is, the past has passed and I am glad its all over

Morale of the story : Always hear from horse's mouth.
-------------------------------------------------------

Its just a weird feeling... arrrg hopefully it goes away tomorrow..

小时候

不知道是不是老了, 最近老是想起小时候，星期一,想起了以前养的猫儿，狗儿 只只 都有名字的。

阿三叔叔送了两只的狗儿, carmi 和 puteh(carmi 还是到了星期二才想起它的名字)。可惜养了两三年吧， 被毒死。大概是那个狠心的邻居干的。后来， 再养了两只狗， 也许是缘分， Johnny和 walker 颜色， 样子跟 carmi, puteh 是一样. carmi 和johnny 睡觉的姿势是一模一样的.

一天,一只小狗跟我姐姐回到家. 姐说她怎么赶都赶不走. Goldie 从 此成为家中一份子。 大多数的猫猫都跟这些狗和睦相处的。 印象中好象只有Jeffery 吓得 从 此在横樑上行走。



在我较小时，哥跟姐姐养兔子，鱼。 妈妈养鸟。我就是跟着这群小动物长大的。 还是觉得这些猫狗好可怜，老是被毒死。到搬家时就直剩下johnny和来福。（动物都有灵性的，突然家里的猫都不见了，直有来福留下） 好后悔没把它带着走，妈妈也是。有回去看它们，看到我时，它们好开心。

Johnny 扑向我，来福也过来了。一阵日子后，妈跟我说它们死了。

回想起他们，让我好感伤，我竟然流泪了。。。。。。

难过 失望

今晚,心情不好。好失望，也很难过。大家是朋友这么多年了，难道你们还不了解我吗？ 关心地慰问，竟然变成。。。不知道她认为是嘲笑，责备。。。。。 Whatever.... 总之我的出发点是关心，担心，若有需要帮忙之处，我一定会帮她，就这么简单。

不直接问她是担心她不想让我们知道，只好问另一位友人。 走错了。

I can only say now i totally regret. Lesson learn today is next time ： Mind your own biz, don't be so kpo. Don't bother about your frens too much, dont bother to ask and share your concern. If they really need help they will ask. I am not angry but very disappointed and sad. Its mixed feelings. Don't know should I been maligned, betrayed or what?

The last straw..........

Wonder when the last straw will come to break the camel's back..

a pleasant surprise

Hmm got a pleasant surprise when i reach home yesterday. Got a bouquet of flowers. Not from a guy, not from a gal but from a boutique. Now how I wish its from a guy .. hee hee... Every year I will receive card from this boutique but never did I expect a bouquet of lovely roses this year. Maybe cos I never visit them for a long long time and they decide to send me flowers to remind me ??

Nah no budget to go buy their nice dresses.... Too tired to take photos... rushing for my forecast. As law of dimishing returns say when u reach the peak, your productivity will slow down.. I think i hit that now...................... how how how . Wonder how long i can hang on...

Restless

Why am i blogging at this timing cos i am feeling helpless and restless. Everytime when it comes to my forecasting time, I auto fell into this mode. See no controllers has given me any data yet, one say no changes expected, When I look at the numbers I know I cannot use it and I need to adjust... haiz.

This morning i was just thinking my boss might as well give me a sleeping bag as a pressie and I can sleep overnight in the office. since i will be slogging late at night too... sleep in office i still can have longer hours of sleep

June 22

Status Quo. Everything remain the same.. is this a good or bad sign?

有些话

不能说,怎么开口呢? 只能藏在心里最深处..

feel like a panda

Because I havent been sleeping well since Thur Nite. Had a gastric attack towards the midnight and terrible feeling, toss the whole night. Friday was kind of better but still feel stomach weird. Can't sleep.

Sat LS whole day, horrible feeling, eat only porridge. Dinner, ate whatever mum cook. Can't sleep at night
Sun feel so sick, LS too, didnt went church, didn't serve cos i lie in bed whole day. Can't sleep too. Night time porride.. Didnt sleep again.

So today i feel like a big panda going to work... hmmm i going to try to sleep hopefully i can sleep...

Seriously i dont know how i manage to survive for the past few days without really sleeping.. maybe only 1 - 2hrs.. i only know i wake up feeling i didn't sleep at all.

My afternoon

Went to the museum, went to visit the Verner Pantom exhibition and realise Christian Lacroix the costumier is free. Oh I thought Christian Lacroix has ended so I was thrilled to realise I can kill 2 birds with one stone.

Hmm interesting how christian can design all these beautiful costumes for the operas. And as for Verner Pantom, his designs of furniture is really cool, imagine at his times in the 60s. Ok, I am not art student nor design student. I go there merely to see colors to get some color inspiration :p....

Here's the website of National musuem, I shall go to the museume and visit the whole musuem the next time round. Tell you a secret, I live to go to musuem and get to know the history. What people eat, dress, lifestyle, etc. I remember when I was in korea, I was so thrilled to see the exhibits, in Australia, I was so sadded about the life of the aborginals, how they are being bullied by the whites, how their children got kinapped, etc. In delphi, Greece, I was so reluctant to leave the musuem but as time is up so I go tno choice. I think I could have stay a whole half day in the Delphi musuem. There are so many things to see...

Anyway went to Art fren to get some brushes after the museum trip and pass by Takashimaya. And on my goodness, are you sure there is a recesssion going on? Look at the crowd.


Went to the libray to return my sis and my books, pass by citigems. And got attacted by this pendant.. oooh its really nice with the rose and white gold. Spotted a pair of earrings too. Did I tell you folks i lost one of my very old ear studs(cheap one of cos, not even 0.2 caracts, its probably 0.0X :p) haiz....


The sales guy was telling me this is very good price. And I tell him, why is it whenever its my birthday month its GSS and well there is no more special member price le.... yeah.. so sometimes I dislike GSS cos everywhere is sales, whats the pont of being a member and getting special price when I don't get to enjoy it.. nah

Think and think, I better save for my lappie instead.. Pendant, there will be more and more new designs.. hehehe thats what I think now. But who knows maybe I will get a bday gift for my ownself..

God, can you drop a pool of $$$ for me. Haiz pay freezse for so many years le. No bonus some more... what a sad life

Cruel but true

Just some couple of mins ago, a fren V ping me on msn and we started to chat. The other day he shared with me he's becoming a daddy soon and I am really happy for him. So there we go chit chatting and so I was saying he has swim up the shore and I am still swimming. So he ask me if I still go for activities and I replied: "All the men are going for sweet young pretty things:"

He agreed with me and say this is a cruel world and this is a brutal fact. And added that it's hard not to find a man who don't go for sweet young girls unless he is so old that no young sweet girls will fall for him.

My reply to him was that he rub some salt on me. He aplogiese to me , well actually nothing to apologise, its really true.

Hmmmm...

June 2nd 六月二号

26 days from now on, things will remain unchange. Yes it won't change.

Dor, so sorry I am still not able to fulfill your wish for me. Was that last year or the year before last year wish. Its a sad thing. Hopefully next year I won't disappoint you......

二十六天后,结果还是一样。
对不起丽，无法完成你的愿望。也许这辈子都不能完成。

Think I must have reach mid life crisis, just feel so lousy and miserable. Really feel like hiding in a corner and cry out loud. But no tears..don't know whats wrong....feeeling so lost...............

五月三十一

回家途中,想起某些事，心情莫名跌入谷底。
最后一排的搭客，你们太吵了。
反复听着一首古典乐章。
。。。。。。只能逃避。

Why?

Why are people behaving so strange and weird. Where are their empathy. These are the thoughts that gone through my mind when I happen to take a glimpse of the newspaper which the passenger next to me was reading this morning.

People are actually flaming the poor gal who caught H1N1, saying she shouldn't have gone to US.One even suggest to sue her. I can't help but to feel sorry for the gal. Are people so naive to think that even if the gal did not go to US, nobody will get it. These are air borne disease and we can't simply prevent it. Even if the government decide to banned all people from leaving the country, that doesn't mean no one will get it.

Well as of now, there are 3 new cases.

I am wondering where are the empathy of people. Was reading newspaper the other day and one lady was saying someone attempt to steal her mobile phone on a public transport and no one help her. Sad....

Lately I am facing some challenges at work and I thougth I conquer it 2 years plus back and now it comes back again via a new person. Goodness. Its really human nature, when you did a good job, nobody praise you. But one small little oversight, and people will pick on you. All your goodwork is wipe out just by that little mistake. How sad. (Thats why the lord says don't depend on self effort, depend on the lord's grace)


Now let's say your mum cook a dish, in the dish itself, it contains all your favourite stuff, however there is just one item that you dislike. Now do you start to grumble to your mum on that item that you don't like, or do you praise your mum for that wonderful dish.

Humans always tend to pick at the negative side and overlook the positive side. We should all start to focus on the good side.

So blur...

Am blur as sotong(now why do we use blur as sotong this phrase, is sotong realy blur?) lately .

For instance, I actually forgot to alight when I went to work the other day, and alight at the next stop. That's not so bad as it still walkable distance., But a week later, I actually alight a stop earlier. goodness that I can't walk to office....

This week, I actualy wear a pair of black heels to work, only to discover I wore a mismatch pair of heels. Hmm no wonder I feel so weird and well God is good,I disccover it when I was stuck in the middle of the road when I didn't beat the green light. At least I haven't walk far yet, still can go back home to change ...

And a few days ago, I miss my bus stop while going home. I must be losting my focus. haiz.... time for a break.

谢谢你, 圣榆

好几次与你矢之交臂 :( 谢谢你的留言。谢谢你提醒了两年前的我是开朗的。今早看到了你的留言，想想从今年开始，我好像不像从前那样了。

我们都努力，希望像你说说的离幸近一点。一定会的。加油！！！
真的好想你，有时会想你在做什么呢？你要好好照顾自己。希望那日我们会相遇。好高兴能够认识你：）那天还在看那张唯一拥有你的照片。

You really are a sweet gal, I bet lots of guys are chasing after you now

My altered Canvas

My altered canvas..... i like the family one the best..... followed by the Adored piece...